aquatic andie

happy hump day friends. mmmm three day weekends... they are just the best. and i had a pretty delightful one. hope that you did as well. new mexico continues to rock the house with its awesome weather and mike and i were able to get outside a bunch this weekend, exploring and wandering around our little slice of the southwest. we found ourselves up in the mountains today at about 8500 feet with snow all around us and ice challenging us to stay vertical. much to mike's displeasure, we hightailed it back down the mountain, but not before andie unleashed a torrent of tears. that icy hill managed to push my panic button in a way that hasn't been done in quite some time. not that i find this unreasonable. i don't know, friends, i have this thing against sliding down an icy mountain side to my untimely death. pretty weird, huh? no! not weird at all! but sometime tell that to my future husband....

anywho, we ended up finding a trail that paralleled a river. Now, friends, let me remind you that i live in New Mexico, and a river out here, most people could jump across. easily. but it was water nonetheless, and we had fun.

on that note, i miss water. maybe it was my destiny to have a deep and everlasting love of water. i did have a water baby. oh come on, lady readers, i couldn't have been the only one who owned this strange baby doll. for those of you who are unfamiliar, let me explain. one fills the baby doll up with water in the attempt to make it feel like a 'real baby'. this then allows said 'real baby' to cry and pee, teaching little girls everywhere the joys of motherhood (society is so f'ed sometimes, right? we're teaching our little girls from day one to be little mommy's.... ahhhh i feel a feminist tangent coming on... must steer back to the topic...)

oh right... water. So, i've always been around some sort of vast body of water. I grew up wedged between the Erie Canal and Niagara River, and just a hop skip and a jump from the great lakes. As much crap as it gets, the Erie canal is actually a very pretty little water way. Sure there are three eyed fish, and species that haven't even been named frolicking around in this aquatic mass, and probably more waste than i care to imagine. but when i was 14, unable to drive, and just wanted to get away, the Erie canal was a perfect little refuge. there were lots of flat rocks to sit on, multitudes of greedy ducks to feed, and the gentle rhythm of the water.

fast forward a few years to my time on long island. andiepants stepped her little andieboots onto the sand of robert moses state park on January 2nd, 2006, and this my friends was my first look at the ocean. ah! it blew my mind. i was almost in tears at the feelings that came over me as i looked out over the unending water. sigh. the ocean gave me perspective, balance, reminded me how small i am in this ridiculously large world. whenever i felt upset, irritated, anxious, or homesick, it seemed as though going to see the ocean was helpful in resetting my mind.

andie and the ocean, circa 2007

 

 

while visiting the island during the holiday, i was lucky enough to go and see it. oh, winter ocean is the best. it feels like in the summer, the ocean is on its best behavior, trying to be nice and inviting to the children who want to play in it. summer ocean puts its kid gloves on, with gentle swells. however, during winter the gloves come off. the ocean violently thrashes about with huge swells, dangerous currents, and enough power to knock you on your ass.

first look at the ocean in 2011

as awesome as the ocean is, i can't mention water without bowing down and paying homage to my first aquatic love, belmont lake. this 14 mile slice of heaven is located in canada, and our cottage is situated on its banks. throughout the past 25 years, andiepants has frolicked, swam, tipped canoes, tubed, water skiied, and been unceremoniously dunked into this lake. one of my favorite places in the entire world is to prop a chair on the dock during sunset, and breathe, letting the gentle waves take me on their journey, while the sun paints its colors all over the sky, in one last brilliant display before we all go to bed. during the hot summer afternoons, i would take our old surfboard, place a towel down on it so as not to get scraped, paddle it out into the middle of the bay, and float. i must mention the total relaxation that our old blue canoe brings the little andie soul. even though i have tipped it several times (earning me the native american name "tips the canoe"), the gentle rhythm of its shape, the way its paddles effortless cut into still water, is still my favorite mode of transportation. i can't wait for the day that I'll be able to canoe to work.

how great is this photo? thank you, future husband.

yep, i love water. and am missing it big time while out here in the lovely southwest. i have millions of cacti at my disposal, but very little water. i guess its a trade off. in order to have 60 degree days in January, I guess I should have to sacrifice a few things. but my little andiesoul is forever tied to the aquatic environments and i wouldn't be surprised if the soon to be mrs. caggiano finds herself somewhere close to water once again.

hey friends, cut me a break over here. little miss pants is deeply embedded in the all mighty wedding planning and i really don't want to turn this blog into "ways i'm losing my mind about the wedding". so, i may not be able to write as much. but will do my best to let my random words and run on sentences grace the pages more consistently.

be thankful
andie.

can a wedding dress get its own plane seat?

Hi friends. Happy Monday. For all of you that might not be aware, mike and I are currently planning a wedding. happy times, indeed. But, wedding planning is scaring me a bit. I’m trying to hold onto my mantra that it will all work out. I’m trying to channel this inner peace, hippie stuff that I like to share with you all, dear readers, on this literary masterpiece. Oh you know what I’m talking about. Always trying to espouse the community to live in the moment and be thankful. Ha! Someone please remind our dear andiepants how much hypocrites suck. Sigh. I’m not doing well with living in the moment right now. I’m desperately trying to remind myself that Mike and I are very laid back people, and are not caught up in many of the details that traditional weddings deem necessary. I’m trying to stay focused on whats really important; marrying mike. And to be quite honest, my marriage to mike will happen, with or without the “non wasteful centerpiece that best represents us”, the bad hair day, guests not showing up and/or saying the whole time, earthquake, famine, drought, etc. so what should I be worrying about?

Actually, everything. I’m worrying about everything. Holy crap. All of my “be thankful and enjoy the moment, inner peacefulness” has decided to take a prolonged vacation. Come back, centered and grounded andie!!! Its anarchy in the andie brain, ruled by various hot spots of anxiety. And the thing that is causing me the most mental pain is my dress, but for different reasons then you might think. Check it out, readers. I think I found my dress. Its beautiful, fits like a dream, makes me feel like a little woodland goddess (forest nymphs!), I actually teared up a bit when I put it on (yep, I was that girl… so disappointing.) but where the hell do I order it? In new mexico where im currently living? And then be charged with the lovely task of taking it through airports, xrayed through the new brain cancer machines (can wedding dresses get cancer?… maybe I’ll have them pat it down instead…. thoroughly) because its sure as shit not being checked. Ah! As if airports are not stressful enough, the thought of me negotiating security lines and screaming babies in seat 31f with my ever loving wedding stress stuffed into the overhead bins makes my anxiety want to eat my face.

My preference is to order it in either Buffalo or Long Island. That way, I only have to drive it on up the mountain (can anyone tell that I’ve been living in the west? Soon enough I’ll be saying “that there”…) rather than purchasing it its own seat on the plane (No, I’m sorry, standby passenger who has been stuck in an airport for 3 days, trying to get home to see his grandmother, there are no seats available, my wedding dress is sitting here). Ah, so many tangents. Anyway, buffalo or LI would be ideal, but guess what, favorite readers? I don’t have enough time to do that. The next time I have a significant enough break from work to travel anywhere is the third of week of March, and unfortunately, my dress needs to be ordered by then. Can you believe this? My wedding is 9 months away and I don’t have enough time? The dress is already made, is it not? And yes, ordering and alterations and blah blah blah, but seriously? It makes me think that for all of our technological advances and major modern marvels, there really is a gnome up in an attic somewhere spinning thread on a giant wheel, by candlelight, slowing piecing together weddings dresses, painstakingly, one bead at a time. Ah! Not enough time! Stop it. And now readers, this is why mike and I did not want to get caught in the all mighty wedding establishment, “McWedding.” Because I hate crap like this. I. Hate. It. Having snooty sales ladies tell me that “of course it takes 18 weeks for your wedding dress to come in, scoff scoff” like this is some common knowledge that should have been taught to me in kindergarten along with tying my shoes and finger painting. Puke. Things that should take 18 weeks: completing half of a pregnancy, college courses, remodeling your home, etc. not a dress, people.

Anyway, that’s McWedding for you, and as much as I don’t like it, I love this dress. So we deal and I’ve accepted that I need to order it within the next month “because of ordering and alterations, and giving the gnome time to rest his fingers, and blah blah blah” Unfortunately, this presents another problem for andiebrain to process and deal with. One of the traditions I enjoy regarding weddings is that its customary for the groom not to see his bride in her gown until the day of the ceremony. But since I’ve relocated to the southwest, mike and I have pretty much been attached at the hip. You thought we were close before? Check us out when we don’t have any friends within a 300-mile radius. So lets review: must order dress in New Mexico before March 1^st, can’t let Mike see me in dress, which puts me in a bridal shop, trying stuff on, making arrangements and doing all of that process……..by myself. Super crap! And please don’t misunderstand. I’m not trying to rally sympathy from my beloved readers, even though I love you for it. It is what it is. Some parts of living here are awesome (such as going hiking today, January 9^th, in a tshirt, being hot and getting sunburn because it was almost 65 in the desert, wooo hoo!) but this situation is really highlighting how much living here can suck. This is one of those times that a lady really needs her family and friends around. And I am so lucky to have amazing beautiful people who love me ready and willing to support and help me. And thank you, universe and Al Gore, for the internet which is going to make things so much easier to coordinate and plan with my family and friends. But this is one experience that really must be had in person.

Thanks, readers, for allowing me to vent about some of my frustrations with this process. Though I’m struggling with some things, I really am enjoying most parts of this endeavor. Mike and I are really trying to craft a wedding from the ground up, discarding traditions and “things we should do” that don’t fit with us, while still honoring some other timeless traditions (my dad is totally walking me down the aisle). One of the best parts of this is thinking about our amazing family and friends, and all of their many diverse talents, and how we could best involve them in our wedding. So I guess a bit of my “being thankful” is trickling back in. phew.

I’m going to leave you all with a request. If, while interacting with any of you, I even BEGIN to act like the dreaded bridezilla, please call me on it. A well placed comment, email, text, meesage in a bottle, note attached to leg of pigeon, whatever you need to do. Just don’t let me let this one day consume my whole life. Yes, its my wedding day. But its only a day. I’ll be married to mike for my entire life. That’s what I should be focusing on, what I should be cultivating, what I should be spending energy on. Those pink fuzzy dice make the rear view mirror look pretty, but does it affect the structure or integrity of the car? Not so much. And that’s really what all this stuff is to me, the flowers, the decorations, even (gasp) the dress. Its fluff, details, additions that in no way will affect my relationship.

Now. I might just go back and read the above paragraph out loud to myself so that it might sink into anxious andiebrain. Sometimes its so much easier to write these things than to actually process and believe them. But the journey continues. 

be thankful, 

andie.

twenty eleven sounds weird.

Well good evening and welcome to 2011. Hmm... twenty eleven. To be quite honest with you, andiepants readers, I find this year to be awkward. In general, I dislike odd numbers, which is ironic because nearly all of the important events in my life happened during odd years. For example, 1985 was the year of my birth, in 2003 i graduated from high school, 2007 marked my year of graduation from geneseo, in 2009 i graduated from stony brook and in 2011 the universe and a bunch of people will witness my marriage to mike. But 2011 doesn’t sit well with me yet. Hopefully it will grow on me. I think that’s why I kept telling everyone I would be married in 2012. 2012 just has such a nice ring to it. You can say it with ease, it looks nice written out, its the year of the possible apocalypse.. etc.. 2011 is so awkward. But again, we’re only five days in, so maybe i'm just responding to the novelty. sometimes i don't handle change so well. 

Friends, I’m not sure that I’m able to blog extensively about my New York trip.  There were so many great things that happened during that two week period of time, so many cherished times with family and friends, so many events that i want to expand on on my personal sounding board, that I fear beginning such a blog could overwhelm the internet at large. I don’t want to be responsible for a major internet crash due to a seven thousand page blog post. Could you imagine? People across the globe waking up to an "internet error" message because the poor internet was not able to withstand such a literary behemoth. so I have resigned myself to give you, beloved readers, only the super awesome highlights of my journey.

• dec 19^th- trans Siberian orchestra with the cousins. Please consult post “andie in the arctic” for more info on this one
• dec 21^st- winter solstice celebration with my parents involving gifts, traditional buffalo cuisine (heart attack on a plate) and merriment.
• dec 23^rd- mussels in white sauce at la villini’s restaurant on long island. Enough said.
• dec 24^th- traditional Italian Christmas eve complete with seafood extravaganza

• dec 25^th- Christmas with caggianos, the major highlight of this evening being the family video’s that we repeatedly watched involving a six year old mike, a microphone and the most awesome rendition of “happy birthday” known to man.
• dec 26^th- blizzard/engagement party…. But more blizzard. boooo..At least we got ice cream cake! Yes!

• dec 28^th- Alvin ailey ballet in the city with lee and jess. . I’d like to share some andiethoughts on this one. Andiepants just might be morphing into more of a country mouse than previously thought. Regarding the ballet itself, it was amazing! I have felt passionately about dancing since about the age 5, when I so skillfully led my tap class in our performance of “pom pom march.” So witnessing this amazing dance troupe every year is such a treat. The Alvin Ailey company performs three very different acts during their performance, which really displays the range in their abilities. The first act was a hip hop performance, which just looked like so much fun. I had trouble restraining myself from hopping out of my seat and joining them. I’m not sure how much they would have appreciated that, but hey, a girl can dream. The second was a very modern, abstract piece involving a lot of partner work, in which the men repeatedly threw the ladies into the air and caught them in various positions. The third chronicled the African-american cultures relationship to spirituality and church, and provided a really upbeat, positive note to end on. However, can I just say how much I disliked my experience in the city? Holy crap. Looking around at all the buildings, I became anxious, claustrophobic, the people were too close to me, too fast, too brash, the lights were too bright, etc. but this kind of displeases me. I used to take pride in my transition from small town buffalo girl to big city andie. But now I’ve been living in tiny town new mexico for 4 months and all of the sudden I’m country mouse? I might exaggerate a bit, but really, I did not enjoy myself in the city at all. The weather certainly did not help my irritable disposition. The blizzard had left large snow drifts that made crossing the street a potentially lethal ordeal. The cab drivers were losing their minds as they had to make do with the loss of several lanes to the snow and had to navigate people walking in the road instead of the snowy and icy sidewalks. Further, giant puddles had begun to form at intersections and scattered along the sidewalks, so what looked to be a benign pile of slush and ice actually turned out to be a seven inch deep puddle that gleefully sucked your non waterproofed boot in and froze your horrified little foot. Ugh. Not fun. moving on....

• dec 29^th- mike and i visited potential wedding venues.ooooooh
• dec 30^th- booking a wedding venue and date and going shopping for wedding dresses. shopping for dresses was surprisingly much less stressful than i had anticipated (rock!), however, these events took my wedding planning from lackadaisical to mach 5 and quite possibly led to the events of the next day.
• dec 31^st-super crazy intense migraine which resulted in a very peaceful new years eve with my maid of honor and future sister in law. The three of us had a pretty crazy time, let me tell you. It involved one glass of wine, the couch and the movie “avatar.” Top that.

• jan 1^st- annual caggiano new years day party filled with fun, friends and food
• jan 2^nd- inadvertently flying first class from ny to new mexico. Oh you didn’t know? Andie flies in style. Ha! This actually turned out to be a comedy of errors as I kept getting into the wrong lines everywhere I went. 

Mike and I finally made it back to our southwestern home late sunday night and promptly fell asleep. The past few days have been full of trying very very hard to convince myself to go to work, working, coming home, watching crappy tv on the internet, and going to sleep. i'm definitely in recovery mode, both in activities and diet. my body was beginning to hate me for all of the deliciously unhealthy crap i had been putting into it. we're beginning to be friends again.

happy new year, readers. even though it's awkward and odd (ha! get it!), i have faith in twenty eleven. 

until next time,
be thankful,
andie.