i formally resigned from my job yesterday. what a process. this was my first "big girl" job, so i really had no idea what i was doing in the resignation department. but it really felt like i was breaking up with someone. i had to write a formal statement and submit it to a whole bunch of people who had to "approve" it. i found that so interesting. my quitting has to be approved? is there a case in history where someones quitting was not approved? questions of the universe.
thats another thing: resigning vs. quitting. i guess if you leave on good terms and you're not a jerkface about it, it's "resigning". quite different from flipping desks, cursing out the receptionist and slamming the door, which would be "quitting". i've never done the latter, but i would imagine how liberating that could be. someday.
i really like working with people, but leaving this type of job is really difficult. my job was really to try and make my client's lives as stable as possible, so it really bothers me to be leaving at a time when some of my client's situations are disastrous. however, if i got it in my head that i couldn't leave until everyone was "stable", whatever that even means, i'm pretty sure i'd be there until i died. nonetheless, this is uncomfortable, to put it mildly.
my clients are interesting and after telling all of them that i'm leaving, i've gotten the whole range of emotions. some are happy for me, wishing me luck and thanking me for the work i've done with them. some are really stoic and either really don't care, or are very good at pretending they don't care. and of course, some are really really really angry that i would have the audacity to leave them. i do feel badly about it, especially since the turnover in this profession is relatively high. some of my clients have been through 3 or 4 workers before me, and that can be hard on a person. but it's hard on me too. especially thinking about leaving the kids. one client's 4 year old daughter got on the phone and told me how much she's going to miss me, because i would always bring her little presents when i did homevisits. i have a soft spot for the lil guys.
of course, for those of you who know me well and are "lucky" enough to hear some of the stories from my work experiences, you know how pleased i am to be leaving some parts of my job. human suffering, such as what i have been witness to with some of my clients, is an exhausting, destructive, and vile thing to observe. anger, hate, rage, lies, guilt, etc all seem to coalesce into this swirling vortex of hateful emotion, and as much as you try and separate yourself from it, sometimes it sweeps you into its path... or at least, it did for me. leaving this part of my job feels liberating and cleansing for me.
i have 4 more working days after today and am simultaneously ecstatic and devastated that its almost over.
all in all, it's been an incredible year and 3 months at my very first job, and i thank everyone who has been a part of it. i've grown immensely and conquered fears i didn't even know i had. i know the geography and roadways of li better than most of its long time residents and have met some exceptional people along the way.
a big thank you to my incredible bosses, all three of them, who have guided me down my little social work-y path with support, wisdom and warmth. and a huge thank you to a certain co worker who always took the time to answer my random questions, listen to my case stories, tolerate my ranting, introduce me to the best shoe store i've ever experienced, secretly make fun of others with me, and somewhere along the way, become my friend. i value and appreciate you and will miss you.
until next time,
be thankful,
andie.
No comments:
Post a Comment