my car hates me.

Written on monday, september 20th, 2010

Andiepants had a brand new adventure today, into unchartered territory. Slightly scary, but mostly enjoyable, and aren’t those the best kind? Allow me to explain. my job requires that i travel up the mountain a half day per week, and visit a tiny mountain school, consisting of 24 children, grades kinder through five. It is a two room school house, one room for k through two and the other three to five. they have three teachers, a secretary, a principal a visiting speech path and myself, who will be there for about three hours a week. i went there for the first time this afternoon, and, forget the school, I was just stunned by the incredible drive. one has never really experienced beauty until you drive through the mountains of new mexico. good god. they don’t call this place the land of enchantment for nothing. what a beautiful example of the duality of nature. what an unexpected display of opposing forces of nature occurring simultaneously. in a matter of fifteen minutes, i went from the desert, at approximately 4300 feet, where it was about eight thousand degrees, laden with dust, sand, rocks, palms, cacti, and a sun that turns your favorite freckly author from irish lily-white, to irish flaming-red, to the majestic mountains, at almost 7000 feet, a considerable fifteen degrees cooler, and grass, trees (grass and trees!!! how i’ve missed you!!!), small woodland creatures (not the Christmas kinds, don’t worry), and a cool breeze that could make the devil want to move upstairs. the mountains here are an amazing display of the sheer variety of environment. some mountains are very oddly shaped, have very little vegetarian, they glow red from the dust and sun and prominently display their many layers. other mountains are more rounded in nature and are sprinkled with bushes, grass, small trees, etc. still others are nearly completely covered in lush green vegetation and when the light hits the slopes of the great mountains at just the right angle, you would swear that you’re looking at the largest plush green carpet, draped over the world’s biggest and lumpiest living room floor.
the road cuts right through the mountains in a gently steeped, winding fashion that requires you to pay careful attention to the road, however, recognizes that most drivers are in complete and total awe of the astounding beauty around them and provide ample places to turn out, gape at your surroundings and reconsider everything that you have ever previously called “beautiful”.
so those are the positives. however, being a fan of equality, I would feel remiss if I didn’t touch on the slight negatives of my experiences today. for all of you who are even remotely acquainted with my car, insert your laughter here, as you picture me trying to wind my way up a mountain, quickly gaining just under 3000 feet in elevation in my trusty lady, miss scarlet. those of you who are friends with miss scarlet will clearly understand how painful that must have been. for everyone who has not made miss scarlet’s acquaintance, please allow me to explain. I’ll start by saying that she really is a great gal. she is. sometimes I give her a bad rap, but she’s a good one. miss scarlet and I met in 2006, right before my big move to long island for the summer, and for what I have needed her to do in the past, she has risen to every challenge. Scarlet and I learned long island together, conquering the northern state and lie, honking at rude drivers and giving some our favorite finger. we even made one spiky haired, tight tshirt wearing, napoleon-complex-having, body waxing enthusiast, juice head so upset that he felt the need to pull over and yell at us. Fun, indeed. Scarlet has faithfully plodded along her red haired master for four and a half years, through several states including new york, new hampshire, maine, vermont, jersey, ohio, illinois, new mexico, etc.
however, as miss scarlet scores exceptional points in the reliability column, she is severely deficient in her raw power. You see, miss scarlet is a dainty girl, only being equipped with a single cam v4 engine, which is approximately the size of a typical texan’s riding lawnmower. I exaggerate, but not by much. Miss scarlet will go from zero to sixty in about twenty five minutes, and she’ll be angry about it. For a week. so again, insert your giggles here, as you visualize the extremely testy miss scarlet begrudgingly trudging her way up this godforsaken mountain. Oh she was so mad. The noises that were coming out of her made me very very nervous. I just kept apologizing to her the entire way. “I’m so sorry, I know I’m pushing you past your limits, but it’s almost over, and I promise as soon as we get home, I’ll take you out for some motor oil, any flavor you want, with sprinkles too.” She was not convinced. Suffice to say, down was much better. and I just kept reminding myself that m and I have plans to invest in a new car (with at least a v6 engine, 4 wheel drive, cruise control and snow tires, woo woo, not that I’m excited… ) within a month or so. but have no fear, oh-readers-of-monday! Miss scarlet will stay right with her favorite owner, only she will not be required to scale mountains any longer. Its true, she will be demoted to the secondary car, however, I like to think of it more as her going to a nice retirement community of sorts for elderly vehicles, in which they are only expected to drive to and from market, friends houses, and other local venues, in addition to the auto shuffleboard games and the arts and crafts, of course. I think she’ll be much happier.
the other slightly negative component of my experience this afternoon were the insidious effects of altitude sickness. oh, us easterners. we really have no idea. we live at sea level, which is beautiful, especially on li with its plentiful beaches, and in western ny with its many lakes and canals. however, after living in such an environment for nearly a quarter century, what a trial it is to adjust to now living several thousand feet up in the air. Things are completely different up here. For those of you who are familiar with the north eastern hiking scene, let me please remind you that mt Washington, the highest peak in new hampshire and I believe in that whole area, is approximately 6000 feet. I was nearly 1000 feet above that today, and was expected to counsel children. Once you ascend past about 5000 feet, it is a rough transition. It is difficult to breathe, nausea sets in, and dizziness is your constant companion. The best cure for altitude sickness? water and going back down the everloving mountain. Since I was limited in my options, I had to rely solely on the former and guzzle bottle after bottle of water. My new friends tell me that I’ll adjust soon, approximately three months for the side effects to dissipate and after six months, the chemistry in my blood will change, so that oxygen, thin as it is up here, can be stored and used more effectively. I guess this is why no one wants to play the denver bronco on their home turf. All in all, it was an eye opening afternoon, filled with new experiences and challenges. And isn’t that all we can hope for in this life? As they say, with stagnation comes decay and ultimately death. I hope to complete my transition from sea-level siren to mountain mistress with only a few spells of altitude sickness. and on the bright side, once I come back east, my ability to store and use oxygen so efficiently will enable me to feel super awesome and probably climb every peak in sight. It’s a good thing I just bought those new hiking boots…. Mountain andie is a’comin.
Until next time,
be thankful,
andie.