six whole months of andiepants.

happy thursday, friends. i can't believe this day is actually here, but tomorrow will mark six months since the birth of adventures of andiepants. ah! i can't believe it. i actually stuck with it for half a year. and though my entries as of late have been a bit more few and far between (thanks, wedding planning), i have been pretty consistent. there have times where i put off writing for over a week, telling my anxious fingers that i'll get to it "tomorrow." there have also been days where i race home from work, itching to fill a page with words that matter to me and to share them with all of you.

to me, this blog is so much more than words jumbled together on a computer screen. this blog allowed me to retain my sanity (somewhat... ha!) while moving across the country, away from my family and friends. it allowed me a forum to express my happiness, rage, pain, joy, confusion, insert other emotion here, while i slowly but surely navigated my way among the foreign landscape of dust, desert and cacti. it allowed a way for my beloved family and friends to get inside the andiebrain, poke around a bit, and get a feel for whats really going on out here. the irony of andiepants being a therapist is that in my personal life, i often have a inordinately hard time expressing myself verbally. when stressed, confused, anxious, angry, i often resort to an immature and vague dialect full of extraordinary words such as "bummer..", "dude..", "arrghhh...", "rarrrr.." and "merrrrhhhh". now that sounds like someone who completed six years of college. but something happens when i sit down to a blank sheet of paper [or in this case... a blank word document]. when the pressure is removed from speaking face to face, i'm able to process, to flow, to let the words that have been trapped and jumbled in my brain come sliding out.

when i'm speaking, i'm NEVER able to do a flow of consciousness [if you're unsure of what this is, google it! it's amazing!]. my brain is constantly working overtime to stay one step ahead of the words tumbling from my lips, like an overcautious mother trying to wrangle in an adventurous toddler who is too close to the road. the andiebrain throws up road blocks like a construction zone, constantly halting the progress of the frustrated words who are only try to express themselves, to be known, to be heard, to make an impact on the world. the words start to pile up, like frustrated cars behind the unfortunate construction person holding the "stop" sign. much grumbling ensues, and eventually the words just give up and i'm left with the aforementioned incomprehensible sounds. but when i'm writing... it's total freedom. i mean, of course, i can't write about and post on the internet EVERYTHING that comes into my brain. i have a very firm rule that disallows any people bashing in the andiepants blog, or too many details about work [gotta protect my beloved kiddos], and other things of that nature, but barring those things, the andiewords have free reign to rush out of my brain, through my fingers, onto this page and roam. go, little guys, go!

and might i just express a gigantic thank you to everyone who reads. over the last six months, i've heard from a few people that they enjoy reading my words and in some cases can relate. thank you for all the compliments and an enormous thank you to those of you who take the additional time to comment. moving thousands of miles away from my beloved family and friends has been the most challenging thing that i have endured yet. however, when i open my andiepants page and find that beautiful people, [i'm talking about you, reader], have taken the time to comment, to encourage me, to share in the silliness of one of my stories [a covered wagon... on a highway... come on! you can't make this stuff up!].., or to support me as i'm painfully missing my people, it really feels like you're here with me.

six months of andiepants also signifies six months of new mexico andie [well, almost... march 7th will be that date... i'm big on dates.. have you noticed?]. and i have to say that i love it out here. yes, its been super hard at times. i really miss grass sometimes... and trees. but the andiebrain feels different out here. an absolutely lovely and inspirational lady that i've met out here has a great theory that i'd like to share with you all. she suggests that those residing in highly populated, urban communities might have more stress in their lives because they are constantly privy to and receiving energy from all of those around them. of course this can have a positive consequence, as it might stimulate the creative side of people. but it can also have really negative consequences. being surrounded by thousands of other people who are overstressed, overworked, underpaid, unhappy, etc, on a daily basis will begin to wear down the precious psyche, bombarding it with negative thoughts and a stressful aura. and now that i look back on it, in my personal andie experience, this is exactly what was happening to me. i was constantly being challenged in my previous job by extreme human suffering, neglect, hate, rage, poverty, etc. in my personal life, i was incessantly surrounded by people, and yes, i deeply love some of the people [hi long island fam and friends!] i was surrounded by, but others, the strangers who were sharing my space, my air, my environment, were terrible people, greedy, excessive, superior, shallow, angry, who fed on drama and had a significant lack of simple human compassion. i realize now that i used to get calluses on my hands from gripping the steering wheel so tight it caused cramps as i felt like i had to fight every other driver on the road. and it was slowly chipping away at me. no wonder i had rampant panic attacks. my system was on high alert around the clock. terror level purple... whatever that means.

this lovely lady suggested that living in such a rural area [while it does have its significant drawbacks] allows the brain, the psyche, the soul more space. yes, interacting with less people can be difficult, but its also given the andiebrain time to settle into itself, to be at peace, to shut its doors toward external stimuli and concentrate on its own borders for a while. the andiebrain has pulled a Japan in the last six months, adopting an isolationist policy, not worrying about international affairs and concentrating on the andie empire. out here, with miles and miles of land, and less people than i attended high school with, andiepants does not have to constantly be on guard to combat the overpowering wave of negativity that cascades from some people. i can simply be. and the andiebrain, psyche and soul is happy. genuinely happy.

thanks for reading and supporting me in the last six months. i appreciate all of you more than you know and so look forward to the next six months.

be happy,
andie.

i choo choo choose you.

happy valentines day, friends! or... depending on your perspective... happy "intensely marketed consumerism day, which falsely forces you to love people, or feel badly if you don't". whichever floats your boat. andiepants happens to enjoy valentines day. not excessively. i don't count down the days or anything. but its nice. valentines day seems to say "hey world! you love somebody? take a minute and tell them!", which i am very supportive of.

but i dislike the whole "if you're single you can't participate in valentines day" bullshit. what exclusionary nonsense. like most of the world, i've been on both sides of the proverbial fence, single for some years, attached for others. and manfriend or not, i have stubbornly celebrated valentines day. i see valentines day not as a day for couples, but as a day that forces you to consciously be thankful for the people in your life that you love.

maybe it was my parents and their attitude toward valentines day that shaped my perspective. my parents seemed to always celebrate valentines day as a family. my brother and i got little chocolates and a bigger chocolate heart that we scarfed down after school. it wasn't as if my parents said "nope, sorry. this one's for couples. here, hold my chocolate while i accept all these diamonds and balloons."

and i have mixed feelings about valentines day at school. in elementary school (at least at my school), the teachers provided some supervision and seemed to make sure that everyone received a valentine in their adorable mail box ..... i choo choo choo choooose you.... elementary school valentines day parties were full of pink cupcakes and super awesome beauty and the beast and aladdin valentines. it wasn't until middle school/high school that things got a little dicey. my schools introduced the valentine candygram, where one can purchase an adorable little candy bag and a message and have it delivered during first period. and oh man, that was the worst! this process made everyone except the uber popular crowd feel terrible. i sat there in first period band, with my flute resting across my lap, while the "honorary cupids" called out the same name over and over, and the loveliest girl in the class rose gracefully to collect her 15 candygrams. each year i got at least one... my friends and i had arranged to send each other one, so we would at least get something.... but crap! thank you, valentines day candygrams, for reminding me how awkward and self conscious 14 year old andiepants was.

that being said, i do remember my first valentines day as a "couple." i was about 13 (young, right?) and this "young man" came over to my house on valentines day with a kermit the frog and hearts themed gift bag full of presents and matching kermit-y love balloon. now, kermit isn't exactly the most romantic figure in history but i appreciated the gesture. i've had some really crappy valentines days. obviously 15 year old andiepants wasn't exactly loving life while being passed over with candygrams. there were also a few years where most of my friends were "coupled" and chattering excitedly about their romantic dinner plans to which i was not invited. that was when i decided that single people deserve valentines day too. during college, single andiepants and some of her ladies descended on a local restaurant in some saucy little outfits, enjoyed some very colorful libations and celebrated. no significant others in sight and it was fantastically awesome.

and now, with six and a half months to go until i am a married lady, i'm still enjoying valentines day. this year, mike and i decided to scale back in the way of gifts since we are saving money for the wedding. but we made sure that we took the designated day to express the love. so, readers, enjoy this evening and take time to express the love. single, married, straight, gay, old, young,.... go! just go express the love. and next time, don't wait for society to tell you thats its time to tell the ones you love that you love them.

be thankful,
andie.

introducing snumbleweeds.

Hi Friends! Happy Friday. Whoa. this week has been ridiculous. andiepants made it to work on Monday, but have been off since Tuesday. A vicious snow storm moved into town Tuesday morning and created havoc all over the state. We didn't get a significant amount of snow, but the snow we did get was tossed around by 50 mile an hour winds. a little snow tornado, snownado, if you will. At once point, I noticed a large tumbleweed flying across the road filled with snow. I dubbed it a snumbleweed. have you noticed how much fun i have combining words, dear friends? Since the snow, the great southwest has been plunged into a deep freeze, and friends, we are simply not prepared for this. The irony of the situation is that it wasn't the snow that screwed up the area, it was the cold. In the Mike and Andie household, our pipes froze and burst (bummer) so we were left without water for a few days. Oh and by the way... i was under the impression that i moved to the desert to escape the harsh winter weather. this is NOT how the desert is supposed to behave. 10 inches of snow? negative 5 degree temperatures with the windchill? there's palm trees here, for petes sake! i have been misled!

Go, snumbleweed, go!!

So I've been doing this super crappy commute back and forth to work. I've blogged about my vehicular journey before (consult post regarding transportation), and the plethora of ways that it sucks. But today, I'd like to discuss my favorite part of the commute, the farm that I pass about 35 minutes into my journey. Most farms have no personality, no joy, no life to them. Farms can be a very somber place. However, this particular farm has a sense of humor. How do i know that, you might ask? No, I did not give the farm a personality assessment, althought that would have been hilarious. I discovered this little gem of info during the fall. In the month of October, the owners of the farm painted a big hay bale orange with a happy little jackolantern face on it. ha! how creative! they also made sure to paint a similar face on the other side so both north bound and south bound travelers would get some seasonal pleasure. thanks, farm people!

now, i was under the impression that the hay bale pumpkin was going to be the only decoration, but no! come november, the humorous farm people made a turkey (a turkey!!) out of a hale bay. this was fantastic! they painted two hay bales brown, attached a turkey head with a fashionable black hat, and made some dangly orange legs. They also stuck brightly colored wooden slats into the top for the feathers. again, they made the turkey in both directions, so no one would be deprived of his gobbily goodness.

I wasn't sure that I would be able to handle much more seasonal cuteness, but in december, the farm people unveiled... the snowman. ah! i almost crashed the car! this was the best one yet! a snow man? out of hay? brilliant, just brilliant. it was comprised of three bales of hay, descending in size, and was complete with a top hat, little stick arms, and a full face with pipe included. Though we have already entered February, Hay Snow Man still remains at his post, waving a stickly hello to passengers on this lonely desert highway.

The most recent explosion of cuteness that happened at the farm was this past Monday. This story needs a bit of context, so bear with me. So. Even though I have passed this farm twice a day, five days a week for nearly five months, i have no idea what lives or grows on this farm. It is an immense piece of land with acres and acres of lush green space (they must have to water this poor starved grass like 5 times a day... stupid desert), but i have seen no horses or cows or goats or ANYTHING wandering about. There have been a few times where I observed one or two llama's milling around, chomping on grass, doing their llama-stare, but thats it! and i always wondered, what in the hell do they use this place for? Just as a space to make seasonal characters out of hay bales? a hay bale performance arena? that can't be it. And why does this one llama get this whole place to himself? Does he not play well with other llamas? Is he the llama version of a Beta Fish, if he sees another llama, he'll attack it? does he smell bad? So puzzled. Anyway, this past monday, as I was journeying past the farm getting ready to wave hello to Mr. Hay Snow Man, I observed literally hundreds, and I mean hundreds!, of llamas. holy crap! how exciting! and the llama's were clustered in little llama families with little llama babies. llama babies!!! could my morning get any better?

but then, my andiebrain waded through the thick waves of adorableness caused by baby llama, and about a million questions popped into my head. such as, where have all of these llamas been? are they visiting llamas? are they on vacation? is that the purpose of this farm, to house visiting llamas, a llama resort? will they be getting massage and hoof work? maybe practice some llama yoga or meditation?

whatever the reason for the llama explosing on the farm, i was very thankful for the cuteness that overloaded my senses.

enjoy your weekend, friends, and stay warm!

be thankful,
andie