six whole months of andiepants.

happy thursday, friends. i can't believe this day is actually here, but tomorrow will mark six months since the birth of adventures of andiepants. ah! i can't believe it. i actually stuck with it for half a year. and though my entries as of late have been a bit more few and far between (thanks, wedding planning), i have been pretty consistent. there have times where i put off writing for over a week, telling my anxious fingers that i'll get to it "tomorrow." there have also been days where i race home from work, itching to fill a page with words that matter to me and to share them with all of you.

to me, this blog is so much more than words jumbled together on a computer screen. this blog allowed me to retain my sanity (somewhat... ha!) while moving across the country, away from my family and friends. it allowed me a forum to express my happiness, rage, pain, joy, confusion, insert other emotion here, while i slowly but surely navigated my way among the foreign landscape of dust, desert and cacti. it allowed a way for my beloved family and friends to get inside the andiebrain, poke around a bit, and get a feel for whats really going on out here. the irony of andiepants being a therapist is that in my personal life, i often have a inordinately hard time expressing myself verbally. when stressed, confused, anxious, angry, i often resort to an immature and vague dialect full of extraordinary words such as "bummer..", "dude..", "arrghhh...", "rarrrr.." and "merrrrhhhh". now that sounds like someone who completed six years of college. but something happens when i sit down to a blank sheet of paper [or in this case... a blank word document]. when the pressure is removed from speaking face to face, i'm able to process, to flow, to let the words that have been trapped and jumbled in my brain come sliding out.

when i'm speaking, i'm NEVER able to do a flow of consciousness [if you're unsure of what this is, google it! it's amazing!]. my brain is constantly working overtime to stay one step ahead of the words tumbling from my lips, like an overcautious mother trying to wrangle in an adventurous toddler who is too close to the road. the andiebrain throws up road blocks like a construction zone, constantly halting the progress of the frustrated words who are only try to express themselves, to be known, to be heard, to make an impact on the world. the words start to pile up, like frustrated cars behind the unfortunate construction person holding the "stop" sign. much grumbling ensues, and eventually the words just give up and i'm left with the aforementioned incomprehensible sounds. but when i'm writing... it's total freedom. i mean, of course, i can't write about and post on the internet EVERYTHING that comes into my brain. i have a very firm rule that disallows any people bashing in the andiepants blog, or too many details about work [gotta protect my beloved kiddos], and other things of that nature, but barring those things, the andiewords have free reign to rush out of my brain, through my fingers, onto this page and roam. go, little guys, go!

and might i just express a gigantic thank you to everyone who reads. over the last six months, i've heard from a few people that they enjoy reading my words and in some cases can relate. thank you for all the compliments and an enormous thank you to those of you who take the additional time to comment. moving thousands of miles away from my beloved family and friends has been the most challenging thing that i have endured yet. however, when i open my andiepants page and find that beautiful people, [i'm talking about you, reader], have taken the time to comment, to encourage me, to share in the silliness of one of my stories [a covered wagon... on a highway... come on! you can't make this stuff up!].., or to support me as i'm painfully missing my people, it really feels like you're here with me.

six months of andiepants also signifies six months of new mexico andie [well, almost... march 7th will be that date... i'm big on dates.. have you noticed?]. and i have to say that i love it out here. yes, its been super hard at times. i really miss grass sometimes... and trees. but the andiebrain feels different out here. an absolutely lovely and inspirational lady that i've met out here has a great theory that i'd like to share with you all. she suggests that those residing in highly populated, urban communities might have more stress in their lives because they are constantly privy to and receiving energy from all of those around them. of course this can have a positive consequence, as it might stimulate the creative side of people. but it can also have really negative consequences. being surrounded by thousands of other people who are overstressed, overworked, underpaid, unhappy, etc, on a daily basis will begin to wear down the precious psyche, bombarding it with negative thoughts and a stressful aura. and now that i look back on it, in my personal andie experience, this is exactly what was happening to me. i was constantly being challenged in my previous job by extreme human suffering, neglect, hate, rage, poverty, etc. in my personal life, i was incessantly surrounded by people, and yes, i deeply love some of the people [hi long island fam and friends!] i was surrounded by, but others, the strangers who were sharing my space, my air, my environment, were terrible people, greedy, excessive, superior, shallow, angry, who fed on drama and had a significant lack of simple human compassion. i realize now that i used to get calluses on my hands from gripping the steering wheel so tight it caused cramps as i felt like i had to fight every other driver on the road. and it was slowly chipping away at me. no wonder i had rampant panic attacks. my system was on high alert around the clock. terror level purple... whatever that means.

this lovely lady suggested that living in such a rural area [while it does have its significant drawbacks] allows the brain, the psyche, the soul more space. yes, interacting with less people can be difficult, but its also given the andiebrain time to settle into itself, to be at peace, to shut its doors toward external stimuli and concentrate on its own borders for a while. the andiebrain has pulled a Japan in the last six months, adopting an isolationist policy, not worrying about international affairs and concentrating on the andie empire. out here, with miles and miles of land, and less people than i attended high school with, andiepants does not have to constantly be on guard to combat the overpowering wave of negativity that cascades from some people. i can simply be. and the andiebrain, psyche and soul is happy. genuinely happy.

thanks for reading and supporting me in the last six months. i appreciate all of you more than you know and so look forward to the next six months.

be happy,
andie.