I became a homeowner on Friday April 22nd. Well, actually right now, I’m an unofficial homeowner, because its mike’s name on the paperwork, not mine. We figured that it was easier that way, because I don’t want it to be my maiden name on the paperwork, and then have to change it all over in September. So yes, readers, I can hear your cynical minds clicking away already… because my cynical mind already beat you to it. Is this really just a mike-ploy to have sole ownership of the house just in case I become intolerably annoying? Technically, since my name is not on the paperwork yet, he can kick me out when I become intolerably annoying. Quite a conundrum for andiepants. What to do, you ask? Well my plan of action for the next 4 months will be to try really hard not to leave my clothes everywhere, stop making up silly songs, take the dog out often, attempt to cook dinner every once in a while, etc etc etc. Mostly just try to do things that will distract him enough from me being intolerably annoying to ensure my safety in said house. Brilliant! However, once I sign Mrs. Andrea Caggiano (ooooh! Exciting! But I have to put some time in learning how to pull off those double g’s in my new signature… right now they look like a kindergartener… with her left hand….using finger paint) on that little dotted line, its on! Try and kick me out now, mikeyface! I will plant myself on the couch, guzzle bons bons while I watch Dog the Bounty Hunter marathons and yell loudly from my perch “Miiiiiiiiiiike, when are you going to clean the kiiiiiiiiiiiiitchen?” muahahahhahaha!
I’ll take a moment from evil giggling to share with you all my experience of this most recent move. I believe I can best express it in one word: holyshiticantbelieveihavethismuchstuffwherethefuckdiditallcomefrom.
That word (yes, it’s a word. Do you think I would lie to you and just invent words? Well, yes, I would, but in this case it’s a word. Go ahead, look it up in the dictionary. Beside this word, you’ll find a picture of me from moving weekend, sifting through all of my belongings while contemplating suicide) kept cycling in my head for the entire weekend, and continues to make regular loops today. But seriously. Where and when did I accumulate all of these….things? I’m truly frightened not because of the amount of stuff that I have now, but my potential for accumulating more crap. I’m only 25, people. Hopefully I have at least 40 more years of accumulating crap. If that tlc show Hoarders is still around when andiepants has to wear depends and get bifocals, I will totally be on it. You’ll see me, buried in a mountain of books, shoes and half finished craft projects, drowning in my own superfluous crap. Ah! Terrifying. I’ll just have to guard against this by having andie-sales every five years or so. Don’t worry. I’ll let you know when I begin to enact this policy. I’ll send out coupons.
Mike and I spent the entire weekend cleaning and moving. Friday night was filled with the delightful task of cleaning the house that we had just purchased. As previously mentioned in one of these posts, I have lived in 9 different living spaces that I did not own. As such, I had to clean them before I returned them to their owner. Ok, I know I’m not the best cleaner in the world when it comes to my own belongings and abode, but when it belongs to someone else, especially if they have been a good landlord, I can clean the pants off of an apartment. And I don’t expect everyone to follow my exemplary (if I do say so myself) example of cleaning their living space, but I have never in my life experienced the level of ickiness that the tenants left our house in. Ick-y. There were piles of clothes in the backyard, a package of tortillas in the front yard (a customary greeting in New Mexico
Mike and I soldiered on Friday night and declared war on the ickiness. Saturday saw M and I moving all of our belonging, down to the last Q tip, from the transition house to our new house. What a day! In addition to being physically exhausting, it was an emotional roller coaster. Mike and I would have moments of exhilarating motivation and enthusiasm, beaming with pride about our new house and we loaded boxes into Howie. We would high five each other on the way back to transition house to collect more things, declaring, “we could do this all day!” Ten minutes later, we were dragging, shuffling our feet on the way back to get more boxes, growling and snapping at each other. After an entire day spent schlepping our things back and forth, we deposited our boxes in the living room, set up our bed and fell asleep. Sunday was a better day. We decided to divide and conquer, so I was elected to clean the transition house, while Mike tackled our new house. I actually had a pretty good time cleaning the other house. The couple who had allowed us to stay there had gone so out of their way for us, displaying a type of generosity and community that we had never seen before, so it was easy for me to feel positive and thankful as I cleaned. And friends, I cleaned the hell out of that place. I left a shine so bright that entering this house might require welding goggles.
Following the cleaning to end all cleanings, I joined mike at our house and started the process of putting things away. We remembered that we have to eat, and made our way to one of the local restaurants where I devoured a burger and fries platter. Not just ate, devoured. I’m pretty sure I just lowered my face within several inches of the plate and it was swept away, like a big tornado when it encounters cows. Refueling at its core. The rest of Sunday saw us slowly but surely start to unpack our belongings into their new homes. It’s going to be quite a process, but we are slowly .... slowwwwwlllly.... setting up our home.
Be happy,
Andie.
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